LizardRoi@aol.com
Sent: 13 March 1999 11:07
Subject: DG: GF RECOMMENDED READING: The Revivalist
The Revivalist
By Lance Kraft-Ebbing
Don Galt was raised in laboratory conditions to be the ultimate warrior,
tutored by a German-accented voice issuing from a speaker mounted on a jar
holding a brain. Upon achieving manhood he was sent on the first
reconnaissance to the surface of post-Apocalypse America by the ancient cyborg
warrior, Gen. Buck Turgidson, on direct orders from Hereditary President-for-
Life Merkin Muffley VIII of the Underground States of America.
Equipped with custom matched .69ACP Fallik/Cymbohl ALPHA MALE Mk IV pistols
(Damascus molybdenum steel, Mas-Tur-Ported 10", no, 12" clipped barrel,
Sacher-Masoch grips, adjustable tritium peep sights, MAG 7, beveled magazine
well for faster reloads after premature firing) in black, oiled Kenneth
Bianchi Hellbent IV leather strap on fast draw holsters, a B.J. Anthebehr
SUMBITCH IA codpiece knife, a 5.56mm Belligerent Arms OU-812 STALLION semi-
auto carbine (tumescing stock, MAG 20/30) and a 7.62mm NATO Waczu-Steyr/Ennat
MSG 23 VOYEUR sniper rifle (MAG 7, wire-cutting bipod, 8X Sinemma scope)
Blasting across a desolate STD plagued world in his Israeli-retrofitted EMP-
hardened Langostino Testosterossa 4X4 ATV (48 valve V12, 5987cc displacement,
600bhp @ 7000rpm, reactive armor sidepanels) accompanied by his Tex-Mex buddy
Hal Apeño (armed with a Llympdik CUCKOLD 9mm Parabellum Paratrooper pocket
pistol fitted with a match-grade Harry Palm Onan™ grip and Wei-Bichin Tek
KewlFX™ laser sight) and his oddly platonic ex-Subterranean Soviet girlfriend,
Tara Rabumdiev (44DD-23-36, P. P. Wottsnappen distressed leather thigh-high
Black Widow™ spent uranium spike heel boots, Lilith/Fehr Level IIIA Nomex™
sheath Duenna® ballistic cloth bustier with Lexan® trauma plate and
underwiring, and a Last Stand™ Kevlar butt-floss G-string with Caesar's Wife®
Level IIA Virtue Intact™ liner), confronting the anarchic dangers of a world
gone mad.
And what is an adventure series without great villains? An ongoing threat to
the return of civilization is the Unabashedly Sapphic Alliance and it's
unshaved Amazon legions, led by their warrior Matriarch, Virginia Dentata.
Several of the best adventures pitted Don against the bandit warlord Johnson
Brothers: battle-hardened Dick, the stiff and inflexible Peter, youthfully
upstanding Willy, and, sporting a turtleneck, their supremely decadent UK
cousin, the bald, one-eyed John Thomas.
The Johnson's bold thrusts at the interior would surely have brought the
series to a premature climax had they been able to consummate their
relationship with the Sapphic Alliance, but they were fundamentally
incompatible and the Johnson's were not very attentive to their partners
needs. The Alliance wrote a song about it, and they are doing just fine
without the Johnson's. In fact, they never did need them.
Mark McFadden
You didn't really think I'd end this without mentioning Rhodesian Jungle
Rounds, did you?